prayer and miracles

I am writing this post after reading my sister-in-law's lovely post about her family's recent challenges:

I have a hard time actually believing there are miracles. Or maybe my struggle is that I don’t believe that I am somehow good enough to qualify for a miracle. Or, maybe I just don’t give enough credit to the little miracles. You know, that maybe there are actually miracles all around me and I just don’t see them for what they are.

Also, I see people pray for miracles all the time, and they don’t always happen. I’m praying for Ameena’s eye to be healed (as are A LOT of other people) but when I have friends who have had to take their baby off of life support, or watch their mother die of horrible cancer, or whose kids live with chronic illnesses and debilitating diseases, how am I to believe that Ameena’s eye sight is somehow more important?

(read the whole post for context)

I've had similar conflicted feelings/thoughts about praying for miracles, so this really got me thinking about where I stand with it now. I believe it is important to have faith in God's love and faith that He can do the particular miracle, even ask Him for it. Most important, though, is to hope and pray for His will to be done, plain and simple, which means letting go of the need to understand and to plan, like Angela says. This is where I've learned so much from Orthodox prayers. For example, molebens (info here and here). The priest always asks why we are serving the moleben--what is our motive; what do we want to say; what are we hoping to receive/have answered? Then he serves the molebin without a mention of what we told him (I was keenly aware of this during my first one), except for some general supplications. Instead he asks for mercy, for God's grace on us and on our lives. In my heart I may be asking specifics, but the prayers help me remember what is really important (salvation) and remind me to be open to God's will.

Many of my family's specific requests over the last few years have not been granted, but we don't feel any regret. In fact, we feel confident that God has heard our prayers and granted us our deeper desire, to be guided by His will. He is taking care of us in ways we didn't know we needed, and He's guided us away from some bad situations and into better ones. I also should mention that so many times we've thought, "It would really be a miracle if...", and gosh darn if that miracle didn't come to pass!

I was brought up praying boldly for specific things that I needed and wanted (although, thankfully, I was taught to ask wholeheartedly but without begging). When I was still a fairly new convert, I asked the priest how to pray. Specifically I asked how do I still pray honestly and personally about things without presenting a list. I think I already knew the answer, but I had conflicting arguments in my head and I needed someone to confirm my new understanding. For an Orthodox priest, it might've seemed like one of those questions that was so obvious that answering it seemed a bit tricky. Anyway, after a minute of thought, he told me that St John of Kronstadt prayed about everything, and the way he prayed for it all was something like this: Иже веси судьбами Господи, так благоустрой жизнь нашу чтобы нам спастись-- In Your omnipotence, Lord, arrange our lives to lead to our salvation.

That prayer made everything clear to me. It puts everything into perspective. It is the Jesus Prayer clothed in different words, and it has been very powerful in my life and that of my family. We say this prayer every day and anytime we feel frustrated, confused, sad, like we need guidance, or have a request.

Glory to God for His love, omnipotence, and for the Church!

the verdict on the Challenge

Well, we finished our 21 Dollar Challenge last week. It was almost a success. Although I had tried to clean out our fridge before the start of the challenge week, we still had a few things left that we splurged on the first half of the week. The second half of the week required spending about $20 more to pacify the hungry crowd :) Overall the menu was a success. The lentil soup stretched for 4+ meals (I actually froze 1 meal's worth for another time). The squash soup was a bit expensive for the yield, but it did stretch over a couple meals when I combined it with brown rice. If I were to do it over, I probably would have added some beans to every meal. I think that the hardest part was having such light lunches everyday. Overall I think that it was harder psychologically than anything else because in the past we've gone a week with less than this and been quite satisfied. It is harder when you're choosing a challenge versus being forced into and surviving a one.

The lessons I learned are: a healthy vegan diet is do-able on a tight budget; I need to be spending less money on food per week; no matter who you are or what diet you are following, the food stamp allowance is barely enough. It seems to me that having a few more people in the family (and therefore a bit more money to spend) must be easier than having only $21/week to feed yourself, especially if you're working and probably doing a lot of walking to and from home.

I still haven't posted the price per meal. Maybe I will get to it, but I do know that making a soup is one of the most economical ways to cook food.

Even though we didn't properly succeed in this challenge, I'm glad we gave it a try.

21 Dollar Challenge--Grocery List

Here's the grocery list to make everything on my menu. I've included my guess of the individual prices of things. Later this week I will go shopping at Vitamin Cottage and see how I did and what I'm actually able to get.

1 lb carrots --($1.25)
1 bunch celery --($1.25)
8 onions (4 yellow, 4 white) --($1.50)
6-8 potatoes (about 3 lbs?) --($3.00)
1 garlic --($0.25)
1 lg head of lettuce, kale or spinach (or 2 small) --($1.50)
5 lb bag of apples --($5.25)
1 bunch bananas --($1.75)
1 zucchini --($1.00)
1 bunch parsley --($1.00)
1 bunch green onions --($1.25)
3 lg squash (6-8 c. worth) --($5.00)
[1 bottle olive oil --$3.00] Will use what I have but am taking the standard $3 off for it.
1 lemon --($0.50)
1 jar peanut butter --($4.00)
sm bag bulk red lentils --($3.00)
sm bag almonds --($6.00)
med bag raisins --($3.00)
bulk oats (14c. or 112 oz) --($5.00)
sm bag brown rice (need at least 3 c.) --($2.00)
1 can black beans --($1.50)
[salt/pepper--$1.00] Will use what I have, but I figure $1/wk buys a cheap thing of salt and pepper.
whole wheat bread --($3.50)
boxed hummus (just takes water) --($2.60)
bulk rooibos tea --($2.00)

Grand Total: $61.10

That only leaves me with a couple dollars for tax, but I'm hoping I over-estimated some of the prices on bulk items and will have a few more bucks to give the government. :)

thoughts on The Optimist's Daughter

I recently read The Optimist's Daughter by Eudora Welty. My mother-in-law has a great appreciation for her and her work, so I thought I'd give her a try. I was drawn right into the story, and I liked it better and better as I read and ended up liking the last page the best. The back cover says:

The Optimist's Daughter is the story of Laurel McKelva Hand, a young woman who has left the South and returns, years later, to New Orleans, where her father is dying. After his death, she and her silly young stepmother go back still farther, to the small Misissippi town where she grew up. Alone in the old house, Laurel finally comes to an understanding of the past, herself, and her parents.

There were two moments that struck me the most. One is actually a whole chapter; she is standing next to her father's open casket, receiving guests and hearing them reminisce about her well-respected father. She becomes upset that the stories people share are really false fantasies that try too hard to make him sound good and heroic. She feels defensive for him, knowing that he would want to be remembered for who he truly was; she wants people to recognize the gravity of his life and death without the show.

I think that it is a good thing to be able to forgive the failings of the deceased and celebrate the honorable parts of their character. But at the same time, ignoring their faults altogether discredits the hard work they put into living and dismisses the hard-earned lessons they've passed on to those left behind.

The second moment I love is at the very end of the book. Laurel has just spent the night in her parent's old room, rummaging through her deceased mother's things and reliving memories and emotions related to the death of each of her mother, husband and, now, father. In the morning, she is set to leave town, probably for good, to go back to her current home and job, leaving the old house to her stepmother. Before she leaves, she burns letters, books and pictures, relieving the house of all traces of her mother's memory. Then she remembers an old cabinet in the kitchen where she finds her mother's prized breadboard which Laurel's husband had painstakingly made for her. It is scarred with burn marks and deep cracks from the ill care of the stepmother. The breadboard seems to sum up everything she would want to remember about her family--it represents the family's love as well as the personality of both her mother and husband. It also represents the passing of time. In the end, Laurel leaves the breadboard, taking with her no physical memory of her past nor of her family, with the realization that "Memory lived not in initial possession but in the freed hands, pardoned and freed, and in the heart that can empty but fill again, in the patterns restored by dreams."

I really like the suggestion that it is okay to let go of what once was, embrace how it has affected us for the good or bad, and move forward. But moving forward doesn't mean forgetting or not feeling: "The memory can hurt, time and again--but in that may lie its final mercy. As long as it's vulnerable to the living moment, it lives for us, and while it lives, and while we are able, we can give it up its due."

I agree with Laurel that it is important to remember someone for who they were and let the memories of love and hurt, failings and successes live affect us, for that is how we keep the person's memory alive. At the same time, the past is not the only thing that affects us and we must keep marching forward with time, make new memories, and make our own mark on the world.

$21 Vegan Food Challenge--Menu/Recipes

Natala of veganhope.com has posted 21 Dollar Challenge. She says, "Millions live in poverty. The saddest part of this is that so many living in poverty believe that they have to eat the worst foods, because they can not afford to eat healthy. This perpetuates even more problems....Let’s help people who are on a very limited budget by showing them that not only can they be Vegan, but they can do so in a healthy way and have enjoyable meals."

I love this challenge idea because I know first-hand how easily a very limited budget leads to a bad diet and gained weight (I am thankful that at this point in my life this challenge is an option!) Also, my family seems to spend the most money on food, and much of it is unnecessary. It is a good challenge to make healthy, prudent food choices.

$21/person per week is the food stamp budget. In my case, we are a family of two adults and two young kids, but I'm counting the two kids as one adult. This means we have an allowance of $63/week. I'm convinced that I can do this with all-natural/organic food (yay Vitamin Cottage!), and, as it turns out, my menu is pretty much gluten-free as well! Here it is:

Breakfast--

Oatmeal with Raisins

Rooibos tea

Lunch--

Platter of almonds, sliced apples and celery with peanut butter, sliced carrots and quartered bread with hummus.

Peanut butter and banana sandwiches

Dinner--

Vegetable Lentil Soup

Vegetable Stir Fry with Brown Rice

Beans and Rice

Squash Soup

Roasted Potatoes with Green Salad

[I have 5 dinner choices, but I know that the soups will cover the extra two dinners and maybe even a lunch.]

Shopping list to come in the next post, but here are my recipes:

Vegetable Lentil Soup

3 Tbsp olive oil (can probably use less and just add water if the veggies begin to stick)

3 yellow onions, finely chopped

1 c. celery (4-5 stalks), chopped

4 lg carrots, washed (not peeled) and sliced or chopped

6 cloves garlic, minced

14 c. water

1.5 c. red lentils (I much prefer their taste and texture to brown or green lentils)

salt, to taste (approx. 2-3 tsp)

pepper to taste

1-2 c. fresh greens (lettuce/kale/spinach), chopped

3 green onions, chopped

Variations:

*Add 2 cans diced tomatoes or 3 c. fresh and 4 tsp red wine vinegar or lemon juice. *Replace vegetable stock for half of the water.

*Serve cooked rice at bottom of each bowl for more substantial meal.

1. In large pot, heat oil then add onion, celery and carrots; cook, stirring, until softened, about 4-6 mins. Add garlic and cook, stirring, for 1 min.

2. Add water, lentils [and tomatoes and vinegar, if using]. Reduce heat to low and simmer, uncovered, for about 35 mins or until lentils are soft and flavor develops. Season with salt and pepper to taste.

3. Serve chopped greens and green onions on top of each bowl of soup. Can also serve with side of toast.

Vegetable Stir Fry with Rice

1 Tbsp olive oil

1 onion, chopped

2 garlic cloves, minced

2 carrots, chopped

2 celery stalks, chopped

1/2 zucchini, washed and chopped

[1/4 c. peanut butter]--I've never tried it in stir fry before, so we'll see how it goes.

salt to taste

fresh parsley, chopped

2 c. fresh greens (lettuce/kale/spinach), chopped

2 green onions, chopped

1 c. brown rice (Boil 2 c. water, add rice, cover and simmer on low for about 45 mins or until water is absorbed and rice is soft.)

1. Heat the oil, cook onion until softened. Add garlic and cook for 1 min.

2. Add carrots, celery and zucchini, cook until softened.

3. ??Add peanut butter and maybe some water, stir. Add salt to taste.

4. Take pan off heat and top with fresh greens, parsley and green onions.

5. Serve on bed of brown rice.

Beans and Rice

1 c. brown rice

2 c. water

1.5 c. prepared beans (I like black), or 1 14 oz. can, rinsed and drained

salt to taste

dash of olive oil

parsley, chopped

fresh greens, chopped

2 green onions, chopped

[chopped tomato if in season and cheap]

1.Boil 2 c. water, add rice, cover and simmer on low for about 45 mins or until water is absorbed and rice is soft. Leaving pan on low heat, stir in beans, salt and oil.

2. Serve on bed of greens and top with parsley and green onions.

Squash Soup

3/4 c. oil

4 white onions, finely chopped (yellow onions work fine too)

3-4 lg squash (butternut, acorn, pumpkin)--needs to equal about 12-14 c. cooked

2 tsp salt, then to taste

1/2 tsp pepper, then to taste

6 c. water (or vegetable broth), then to desired consistency.

1. Cut squash into halves or quarters and set on baking sheet, skin side up. Bake at 400 degrees F for 1 hour.

2. Brown onion in oil, then add salt and pepper.

3. Add squash and water. Bring to boil, then cover and simmer on low for 45 mins, stirring occasionally.

Roasted Potatoes with Green Salad

6-8 red potatoes, cut into 1/4-1/2 inch cubes (russett potatoes are ok to use)

1/4 c. oil (could probably use less if you wanted)

2 cloves garlic, minced

salt and pepper to taste

chopped greens (lettuce, kale, spinach)

1/2 zucchini, chopped

fresh parsley, chopped

green onion, chopped

splash of oil

splash of lemon juice

salt to taste

[chopped tomato, if in season and cheap]

1. Preheat oven to 450 degrees F.

2. In large bowl, combine oil, garlic, salt and pepper then add potatoes. Toss until evenly coated. Transfer to baking pan, preferably with a lip so they don't slide off.

3. Bake, rotating half-way through, for 40 mins or until potatoes are browned on the outside and tender on the inside.

4. Serve immediately with salad on the side.

Oatmeal with Raisins

2 c. old-fashioned rolled oats

4 c. water

1/2 c. raisins (more or less, I just eyeball it)

[I like to add a dash of pumpkin pie spice, but I won't this time for purposes of this challenge]

1. Bring water and raisins to a boil. Stir in oats, simmer on low until most of liquid is absorbed and oats are soft (but not mushy).

my new blog

Welcome to my new blog. I felt like a change, and I thought the title is an accurate description of what will be found here. Hopefully I will have (make) time to write more than I have in the past. Maybe I will since now I feel free to rant and rave on my little soapbox :)