I have a hard time actually believing there are miracles. Or maybe my struggle is that I don’t believe that I am somehow good enough to qualify for a miracle. Or, maybe I just don’t give enough credit to the little miracles. You know, that maybe there are actually miracles all around me and I just don’t see them for what they are.(read the whole post for context)
Also, I see people pray for miracles all the time, and they don’t always happen. I’m praying for Ameena’s eye to be healed (as are A LOT of other people) but when I have friends who have had to take their baby off of life support, or watch their mother die of horrible cancer, or whose kids live with chronic illnesses and debilitating diseases, how am I to believe that Ameena’s eye sight is somehow more important?
I've had similar conflicted feelings/thoughts about praying for miracles, so this really got me thinking about where I stand with it now. I believe it is important to have faith in God's love and faith that He can do the particular miracle, even ask Him for it. Most important, though, is to hope and pray for His will to be done, plain and simple, which means letting go of the need to understand and to plan, like Angela says. This is where I've learned so much from Orthodox prayers. For example, molebens (info here and here). The priest always asks why we are serving the moleben--what is our motive; what do we want to say; what are we hoping to receive/have answered? Then he serves the molebin without a mention of what we told him (I was keenly aware of this during my first one), except for some general supplications. Instead he asks for mercy, for God's grace on us and on our lives. In my heart I may be asking specifics, but the prayers help me remember what is really important (salvation) and remind me to be open to God's will.
Many of my family's specific requests over the last few years have not been granted, but we don't feel any regret. In fact, we feel confident that God has heard our prayers and granted us our deeper desire, to be guided by His will. He is taking care of us in ways we didn't know we needed, and He's guided us away from some bad situations and into better ones. I also should mention that so many times we've thought, "It would really be a miracle if...", and gosh darn if that miracle didn't come to pass!
I was brought up praying boldly for specific things that I needed and wanted (although, thankfully, I was taught to ask wholeheartedly but without begging). When I was still a fairly new convert, I asked the priest how to pray. Specifically I asked how do I still pray honestly and personally about things without presenting a list. I think I already knew the answer, but I had conflicting arguments in my head and I needed someone to confirm my new understanding. For an Orthodox priest, it might've seemed like one of those questions that was so obvious that answering it seemed a bit tricky. Anyway, after a minute of thought, he told me that St John of Kronstadt prayed about everything, and the way he prayed for it all was something like this: Иже веси судьбами Господи, так благоустрой жизнь нашу чтобы нам спастись-- In Your omnipotence, Lord, arrange our lives to lead to our salvation.
That prayer made everything clear to me. It puts everything into perspective. It is the Jesus Prayer clothed in different words, and it has been very powerful in my life and that of my family. We say this prayer every day and anytime we feel frustrated, confused, sad, like we need guidance, or have a request.
Glory to God for His love, omnipotence, and for the Church!
